Shoes!!!

Seeing as how 1) I am down a photographer and 2) I can't wear all of these shoes that I love so much because my foot is still messed up; I thought I would share some of my favorite pairs sans feet.

God, I miss these babies:

I feel like I've been neglectful. I apologize.

It's been a few days since my  last post, it feels like way too long.

Unfortunately there have been a series of circumstances beyond my control topped with some family issues that have kept me away and utterly occupied my photographer. Life has a way of doing that to people, though, doesn't it?

So, here I am with no photos to share and nothing particularly Thrifty or Fat or Closet related. I do, however, have something to say about the coming holiday season.

Thanksgiving is a few short days away and all I feel is sadness and anxiety about it. Where have all of the thankful elements of Thanksgiving gone? And how can I get it back? This is something  I have been giving a lot of thought. I started kinda where I started this paragraph: sadness and anxiety.

The sadness is from all of the people who wont be there because they just aren't here anymore, aren't anywhere anymore. There is a lingering ache in me that feels especially hollow and needy this time of year. I long to feel my grandma's hugs and taste her holiday yummies. The holidays just haven't been the same since I lost her and I don't know if it's because she's not here anymore or because I kinda checked out of the whole thing since she passed. Either way, I think I am now ready to feel whole again. It's not something that comes readily.

Ever notice themes popping up, right when you need to learn a lesson; when you're ready? Mindfulness. That is my theme du jour. Thinking and honoring what is happening while it's happening. Mindfulness. I can recognize, right now in my life, how much I really have. Right here, right now. That I can miss my grandma and not let that feeling negate the love I have for my sisters and their families, my grandpa, my friends, and everyone else that means so much to me.

Then there's the whole anxiety portion of the above equation.

Two words: Food Addiction.

Five short days from now the nation will belly up to tables (or TV trays, depending where in the country you're located) and eat until they have to unbutton their trousers and then cram some more in.

What the fuck am I gonna do?

So, I think I'm kinda clever. I spent a large portion of today preping some serious 'from scratch' holiday foodstuffs. Making sprouted grain stuffing cubes, roasting pumpkin and butternut squash, slow cooking lentils for a potential lentil loaf type situation.

Five short days from now we will know just how clever and mindful I am in real life.

 I promise I will post something pretty very soon.

Barefoot Chronicles: Denim!!!

I love the idea of layering as many different denims as you can fit into one outfit. I feel like all I need is a denim necklace and some denim earrings.

If my foot weren't a potato I'd have worn my peep-toe denim shoes:

 

Please don't judge the toes, I realize they need some attention :)

Don't mind the look on my face in those last couple of pictures...I have two small nieces that I was about to toss over that railing behind me. (Not really. I love them, but they can be some of THE MOST annoying beings on the planet.)

Barefoot Chronicles: Red Hot!

This little red number was purchased at the Thrift Center with an identical classic denim version and I think I paid $6.99 for the two of them together. The little broach was made by me in a crafting frenzy earlier this year.

Barefoot Chronicles: Melon trench

Now, this little coat. It was one of those last minute "I'll just pop by and look at the clearance section real quick" finds. It was $7.00 and fit just perfectly.

The trellis print cropped top and the brown slacks were a thrift store find. I think I got them both for well under $10.

Barefoot Chronicles: Skirts with pockets saved my life

Ok, so maybe they don't SAVE my life, but somehow they sure to improve the quality. I love how, when wearing one of these gems, I don't have to take my purse to the bathroom to stealthily transport tampons and such. They also provide a great place to shove your hands to cover when you are feeling nervous or antsy.

But the best thing for me and my odd body shape is that they add some much needed bulk to my narrow hip-butt-thigh region. I am extremely top-heavy by nature so anything that can add some bulk south of the border is an absolute blessing.

 

Barefoot Chronicles: Take offs and landings

Well. So. My foot is still messed up and I cannot wear any of my amazing shoes. It saddens me. My swollen foot with the ace bandage around it wont fit in 95% of them so I decided to forgo shoes entirely.

Please forgive the bare feet.

Anyway, I absolutely love this little mock wrap dress. It is a perfect shade of pumpkin and, considering the odd stretchy material it's made of, fits and hangs very nicely. It is another one of Gina Marie's thrift store finds...I think I paid a whopping  $3.99 for it. 

 

And this scarf totally makes me feel like a flight attendant from the 60s. I freaking love it!

TFC's: The Closet

I am blessed to live where I do. First because I live with my amazing, supportive sister and her clan. It's like living with a best friend who loves you like a sister and understands your mood swings and asshole moments. Second on that list is the two, count'em--> TWO walk-in closets. Only one is set up as a clothing closet and the other is a great space to store my holiday lovelies and the best bicycle (I love my bicycle more than anyone should love any non living thing) and other random items in storage mode.

When I first moved in here I had ample room to grow my wardrobe. The garments swung freely and happily and never had so much as a solitary wrinkle.

And now? Well, see for yourself:

AND these photos were taken before I had an opportunity to do my massive pile of laundry.

 I've just about outgrown this closet...I wonder what it'll take to remodel the other closet to make it wardrobe ready...???

I'm terminal.

Everyone has something to say where body image is concerned. And since I am part of that great 'everyone' I thought it not only my right, but my duty to express my take on this subject. After all, this is my forum.

I think it is tragic that so many women are of the opinion that they are unattractive because they don't fit into this abstract mold that has been created by popular culture. I, since birth, have existed outside this mold. I spent my entire adolesence with my face pressed up against this big glass barier that separated me from all those that fit in, that belonged, that were loved and covetted based solely on how perfectly they fit into that mold.

This is where it gets a bit more personal: I grew up in a lower class neighborhood in Modesto, CA. A poor, overweight, monstrously tall child raised by her alcoholic and mentally ill grandmother. Hell if I wasn't born to do anything but not fit in.

I've been doing a lot of thinking these days about this subject. The catalyst has been this massive change in the way I view my relationship to food. I am addicted. I have stuffed my pain and disappointment down, swallowed it, and topped it with cake and cheese and chocolate and burgers and soda. Food can numb better than just about anything. I know I am not alone in this addiction, millions of us on this planet are clinging to this life raft trying to stay afloat. I don't want anything in my life to have that kind of control over me, except love.

This epic change began about four weeks ago when I took a trip to New Jersey for an all expense paid trip to Dr Joel Furhman's week-long immersion program. My god, the things I learned. I sat through lectures and group meals and activities and came home in an enlightened state. Inspired with eyes wide open. I want to live a long time, I want to have little ones one day and I want to be able to chase those little buttholes and play and feel as young in my body as I do in my mind.

This brings me to the meat of this post: I have begun to lose weight and I am not exactly happy about it. I know I have said it before, but I believe it bears repeating: It took me so fucking long to get to this point where I love myself just as I am. I am just as I am meant to be. I am fat. I am beautiful. I am fun and funny. I am a little obnoxious and loud. I am extremely liberal and a little uptight. I have bad breath in the morning (and sometimes in the evening and even in the afternoon). All of these things are truly who I am and I think all of that weirdness makes a pretty freaking awesome package. And now that I've begun to start a thinning process, unintentionally mind you, I am faced with losing a huge part of myself. It hurts like hell. It's like I'm mourning the loss of a friend.

Then there's the closet. I go in there and look around at all my favorite little babies and wonder how much more time we have together, I'm terminal.

They were all there for me to hug me in all the right places and show me just how pretty I can be.